by By: Lauren Englet
In early April, TikTok creator Michelle Skidelsky posted a video entitled, “What We Owe Each Other: Gen Z and Politeness.” In the video, Skidelsky details Gen Z’s pursuit of combatting macro, big-picture issues impacting society today. From climate activism to racial justice, eliminating fast fashion, and dismantling harmful capitalistic systems, Gen Z is determined to create a kinder, more united planet than the one inherited from previous generations. Until it concerns relationships with one another.
Skidelsky details the consistently seen idea that members from our generation often operate from a mindset of “not owing anyone anything.” This is also adjacent to masking hurtful dialogue with the incredibly harmful phrase, “I’m just being honest.” In 2018, USA Today cited Gen Z as the “loneliest generation.” A quick Google search unveils that this statement has been exacerbated in recent years. Similarly to Skidelsky, I believe that our generation’s hyper-fixation on the “greater good” has dismantled the ability to ask for help ourselves from those that we interact with daily.
There is now a set of verbiage that protects the ability to remain self-absorbed and defend it. Unanswered texts and consistently changed or canceled plans aren’t problematic friend behaviors but boundary-setting or “protecting our peace.” Being kind is an Instagram bio sentiment or story post, often made public by someone who fails to make kindness happen in their everyday lives. Gen Z seems capable of empathy for every significant cause plaguing our planet, country, state, and city. But somewhere in all of that, many have lost sight of the most prolific component of the human experience: gutting it out through life’s highs and lows in the solace of friendship, in supporting each other.
These days, my circle is small. I am lucky to have friends who gladly gather to celebrate one another’s successes but will drop everything if someone is hurting or in need. Many a crisis has been solved parked in a nondescript parking lot while drinking McDonald’s sodas or on walks to Autzen (on the rare occasion that the weather permits). But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t encountered my fair share of individuals that believe belittling or bullying someone equates to “speaking their truth.” I live now from a place of hope that there are better things on the horizon in our generation, but I can’t help but notice that it often feels like we are determined to save the world but never each other.
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I enjoyed reading this and I had never thought before about the huge disconnect between how we act online and in real life. I really liked your example about how people reframe being poor friends as taking care of themselves and I wonder if these behaviors will change as our generation ages or if we will continue to be “the loneliest generation.”