by By: Jeff Lockie @YuddaMan
DISCLAIMER: I feel like I must say this before going forward, but to all the readers out there, trust me when I say I’m not this serious and depressing in real life.
For those of you whom I have never met (as I’m sure is the majority of individuals who shall be reading this), you might be wondering what in the world merits such a dramatic and embellished blog title? Well what I’m here to say is that while blog posts often reference online discussion boards or published articles to give proof to the lesson of the day, the only honest way to show you the power of an online firestorm was to tell you about me.
That fact is that my life was changed by the power of hate and anonymity in social media, the lines between my social accounts and my reality became blurred, and that who I am today will forever be a result of it. Trust me when I state that discussing my story to an invisible audience of strangers was certainly not my first option, but I understood that it was the right option. This blog is that story, and I hope it can come to you with meaning and possibly even change your online personas for the better.
Today, I’m sure my friends would tell you I’m humorous (possibly to a fault), energetic (likely to a fault), and outgoing (certainly to a fault). To parents and adults, they would likely speak of me as mature as I engage in small talk about politics and the meaning of well lived life. And to you, the likely reader, I’m sure you’d describe myself as just another college kid sitting unnoticing in the back, quietly trying to avoid the discussion around the sensitive subjects of social media.
These personas are not who I am by chance or fate, but are the outcome of the social firestorm that became my life.
A dream to be fulfilled
Bright lights, a sold-out stadium, and with a national audience watching back around the US. It’s the situation every young aspiring football player dreams of – it was what I had dreamed of. It was the environment not only I had envisioned, but that I had dedicated my entire livelihood too.
I had come to the University of Oregon on a full athletic scholarship back in 2012, with my two goals being to win a National Championship on the football field and complete my MBA by the time I left. Lofty goals you may say, but I knew they were in reach if I dedicated my energy, time, and complete mental attention to them.
While my high school friends went off to live the #TotalFratMove college life you see online, I spent my five years up and practicing at six in the morning while spending long nights locked inside a strange/futuristic/awkward looking glass building (Jaqua Center pictured). So do not be mistaken, when the bright lights and big stadium came at the end of 2014 in San Antonio, I was more than prepared.
(Jaqua Center for Student Athletes, “Labeled for Reuse”)
When preparation turns to opportunity
As the first half came dwindling to an end, we found ourselves up 35 points to our counterpart TCU. However, as the time was running out in second quarter, our starting quarterback went down after a huge hit. Doing what I had done many times before, I quickly strapped my helmet up and warmed up.
Bright lights, a sold-out stadium, and with a national TV audience….it was the that same image I had dreamt, and the same ending of every great iconic sports film.
Our lives are not like the movies…unfortunately
Well to be brief, life is not like the movies. What followed over the second half and the overtimes of that game became my life’s firestorm. I walked off the field labeled by the national media as a failure, believed by many to be the quarterback who blew a 35-point lead in front of millions. The second half of that football game was like living a real-life nightmare, but instead I never woke up as that nightmare became my reality (link to full video interview).
After the long silence had dwindled, and all my teammates had left the post-game locker room, I looked to my phone to get in touch with my family and exit the stadium. Unfortunately, “my family” was the last thing I found on my phone’s home screen notifications center that night.
While I can honestly state I have not read the thousands of unread comments/message that still remain in some distant online database, I do know that the small sample I was forced to read sent the message loud and clear.
I rarely discuss specifics, but understand that an instant, my social media accounts went from being full of the world’s biggest Duck fans (and often “anonymous” Duck fans), to the world’s biggest Jeff Lockie haters. My very name became the source of negativity in every social and online platform, creating an amount of negativity that had no choice but to blur into my reality. Throughout my career it had always been easy for me to block of those few social media “trolls”, but the mob mentality of a group of online users grew to levels where there hate changed the course of my life.
See random angry video here (to be clear, still never have even watched this…so beware).
Today, I rarely use Instagram, my Facebook is under a different name, and I participate in class through an alias Twitter. I do not look upon social media with a smile, and certainly do not still believe my past dreams were the keys to a worthwhile life.
I’m humorous (possibly to a fault), energetic (likely to a fault), and outgoing (certainly to a fault) with my friends because I will never spend a day in my life letting the hate of online users affect me. To parents and adults, I am mature because I have been to an emotional bottom and back. And to you, the likely reader, I’m sitting unnoticing in the back quietly because the effects of online firestorms we speak of are not discussion pieces…but are what made me into who I am today.
Forever Go Ducks!
(Autzen Stadium, “Labeled for Reuse”)
Jeff,
This is a really great post. I’m glad you decided to post about your personal experience. I agree that your experience is the best way to explain a social media firestorm, as terrible as it was. I don’t pay attention to Ducks football, so I would have never known, but I respect your courage to post this.
I think especially when it comes to sporting events, the firestorm really heats up for athletes. It’s an immense amount of pressure without having to hear the after game banter. I’m glad you never let it get to you and that you continue to be energetic, humorous and outgoing!
Appreciate you sharing this story, Jeff. The “veil of anonymity” that exists on social media often makes it difficult to comprehend the effects that a tweet or series of tweets can have on a very real individual receiving them on their device of choice. Insights like this hopefully help “trolls” realize the impact they can have.
I’m really proud of you for writing about and publishing an experience that is uniquely both public and private. It is easy to observe social media firestorms, or learn about them in class, but it is an entirely different to experience it first-hand.
While caught up in the heat of the moment of a triumphant win or a crushing loss, it is critical for fans to remember that the players and teams they so passionately root for are still as human as those in the bleachers. I am so very sorry that the veil of anonymity online has empowered people to add fuel to the fire, but this exceedingly well-written and personal account shows who really came out on top.
Although I experienced my own very small firestorm in class, I have never been involved in one to this degree. Social media can be unforgiving and harsh, and once something is on the internet it is there forever. Screenshots and screengrabs are helpful, but they can also be hurtful. Your invisible audience can also come to you within seconds and with unforgiving relent.
I don’t follow sports closely, or to any degree at all really. I’m sorry to say, but I had to google your name to have any inkling of who you are. I can only imagine what reading your home screen was like after a game like that, likely full of hurtful tweets with your handle attached to them all. For the “regulars” like us, actually thinking that someone of your “fame” would see a tweet we @’d you in seems unlikely. But on a day like that, visibility was probably very easy. I hope there were at least some nice ones in the mix.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. #sojcssm fam forever.
It takes a lot of bravery to share a personal story like yours online in a class where we interact more on Twitter than we do in person and I commend you for that.
Too often I think invisible audiences take the power of the conversation and target athletes, celebrities and anyone else in the spotlight. These people have a persona and suddenly must reach higher standards and that is where the firestorm begins. Sports get especially heated.
With three older brothers, I have witnessed that when it comes to sporting events and when the stakes are high, the firestorm ignites. In the heat of the moment, many fans hide behind a computer screen with the power of anonymity to weigh in their opinion no matter how critical.
We are all human and sometimes people use social media to forget that. You now carry with you an experience that most people will never even hear about and I’m sorry for that. Social media can be unforgiving, but your classmates are. Maybe in the safety of the #sojcssm community, you will dip your toes into the waters once more.
Hi Jeff,
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope writing this blog post was cathartic to some degree. I find writing helps me makes sense of the good and bad events in my life. I commend you for taking this social media class in the first place and for trying to better understand the very social media platforms that hurt you.
Jeff, thank you. This is personal, strong, and probably there will be no post in this class that will teach a valuable lesson like this post will. The message of this teaching can’t go unnoticed, the fact that social media gives power to these “trolls” that can hide behind their computers or behind their phones and never have do something that takes courage. Because saying things to your face, would have never been something they would have had the courage to do, but it does take courage to strap that helmet, to be the QB in a sold out stadium, with millions watching, having limited reps all year.
You expose a very powerful subject, and I think social media can become that firestorm for many young human beings, not because factors led to a comeback game, but just because there different. Just because they can’t post what society considers gorgeous pictures, because they don’t have as many friends, or because they are bullied through social media because there different.
It has dehumanized our ways of communicating!!!!!